Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
