I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
