i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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