weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
