im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
