The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
