your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
