from now on my penis is your penis
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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