Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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