doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
