I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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