I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
