then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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