Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she peed on how many people?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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