And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
