Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
