I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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