Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
