he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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