even my farts smell like vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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