he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
