I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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