I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
