i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
