How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize