when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
