No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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