The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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