You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
