How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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