No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
