My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You made out with two different species that night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
