1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
