Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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