i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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