New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
