I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
