Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
