party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We had to coat check the pizza.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
