Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
