I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I look better un-naked...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
