My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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