Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
