apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
