i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize