Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
