You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
