Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
