as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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