just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
