she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize