puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you never un-have a 4some
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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