Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
