I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
