I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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