I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
