He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
