TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
