Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
