I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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