I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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