it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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