apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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