I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
