for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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