worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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