We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
