I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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