that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
