If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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