I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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