Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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