You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
