I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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