Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am available for nakedness
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
