Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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