If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
