this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
