1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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