So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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