I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
