When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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