By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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