where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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