i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
