I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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