the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
