the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
