I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
