God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
