Need sex. Gaining weight.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize