Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
