I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
not ubering you a puppy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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